That question has riddled my brain since the first time I heard it. The truth is, I don't no what happens after thoughts leave the mind. But it made me think about the human capability to witness and process thoughts. I've recently spent a lot of time meditating, researching and learning about the vast concept of the mind and it's thoughts.
My thoughts have become more and more precious to me. My ability to think and feel have found a place in my heart. I have started to learn that the truth is, no matter how much I suppress or demonise my uncomfortable thoughts they never truely change. It's all about my mind and the ability to let thoughts come and go. Osho is a great place to start if your interested in finding out more about this kind of thing. He was riddled in controversy but if you see past that you can really find some soothing support in some of life's questions.
In a world that isn't yet truly free, we all possess one thing no one can take away from us. Our ability to recognise that our thoughts may not be a choice but our actions are owned totally by us.
I had always presumed that as the human experience progresses and moves onwards that we are someone growing weaker as the aging process effects us. I mean I understand that the body physically ages and comes to the end of its life. We are, in actual fact all dying from the moment we are born. A shell specifially designed to not carry us forever. That statement can seem totally dull and somewhat fuxking morbid but I think the sooner we accept death as part of the journey of all things that are some point, alive. We can begin to find some comfort in this experience rather than constantly fight against the motions of physical and spiritual growth.
"The flower that grows in adversity is the most rare, and beautiful of all."
This post is about how we can focus on our inner growth without loosing sight of being connected to the progression of our global conciousness. Which I personally feel is one of the hardest hurdles in my own life. I find it so easy to get drawn into believing being selfless is the same as selfish. And right now, thats what I feel the world needs. A clear and collective attitude to what growth means. But asking yourself to focus on you whilst understanding there is no separation between anything, often seems a uphill struggle to conquer.
I often question at times what defines a "good" human being. I feel that most of my expectations and social aspects of my life have been learnt from either my close family or the confines of society that I was born into. I have recently really started to question whether I have any idea at all about my purpose in life or the definition of my own personal growth. How can I grow in a world that deprives me of most of the physical and spiritual nutrients I need to actually progress as a human being. And this feeling of stunted growth made me feel trapped and suppressed.
The constant struggle between physical evolution and spiritual evolution is one of the reasons the worlds feels so ungrounded. We are growing in non physical ways that are unmeasurable with our current senses. The human soul is gradually out growing the capacity of our current mindsets. Our potential and ability as a species is unimaginable. These feelings seem totally unmanageable and I personally love to be 'in control'. I was taught as a child the sky is 'blue' so I grew up to only see the sky as blue. We see very limited dimensions of our own world. We've been totally conditioned to numb our senses and look at life with a limited perspective. We're often taught about what we should see, hear and feel. I don't remember being told as a child I could feel the emotions of others, as real and deep as my own. I remember learning that I needed to learn a specific collection of things to one day progress in my career and be successful? But do we ever learn how to simply be 'present'. The focus is heavily supporting capatilism within our most critical years of learning.
What I've always been trying to say through the chameleon soul is that I've never realised how valuable my time in this life actually is and I feel that's because from the day I was born, my life was never just as simple as my own. I have a intergrated and deep connection to the world I live in.
It's important to remember no matter who you are, your growing. It doesn't matter if someone or something isn't you, there still going through the motion of life you feel. If your experiencing it, everyone and everything else is. Collectively at the same time. It just manifests in different ways so it feels like there's no possible way that we're all connected. We have confused matters by multi naming the motion as several separate entireties. Growth is evolution, maturity, spirituality, religion (when it was a tool not a rule), chemistry, alchemy, metamorphis, enlightenment, waking up and even change.
It's hard to argue that all these terminologies aren't somehow related. When you look at our history they all merge and correlate in some way.
From the day we are born our purpose is to physically and non physically 'grow'. We can not stay the same, and I find the hardest lesson to learn is these motions of growth happen wether we want them too or not. It's our struggle with them that hinders our individual and collective lives.
I personally spend alot of time looking into the future, so much I forget about now. I feel that once we really concentrate on ourselves and our journey to happiness not the destination we can realise the true groundings in life. And we can then once again contribute towards the happiness we feel as a planet maybe even one day a cosmos. These groundings arent always things we can see or touch. They have to be felt with senses we know barley anything about. That feeling of simply being alive, here, present . There is no other expectation in life besides being here now.
We really do show on the outside what's going on in the inside. We just think there two unrelated things, but there both happening at the same time. We are always here, in the moment. We just choose to project our energy into somewhere we haven't been yet. We focus heavily on what's next or where we are going to be. What feel like personal goals are actually egoist goals. Goals that are designed to never be achieved. We learn them from such a young age we presume they are the roots of happiness. The desire to be accepted and fit in to labels, ideals and perceptions we can not possibly live within. The fire of life soon burns through its container if we keep adding fuel.
I personally struggle with the reality of now and what that means to me. So much so it can feel like my life is passing me by whilst I spend time in either the past or future. I can expend so much energy on where I'm going to be, that I forget I'm here right now. The current moment is the only thing that exists. And in those moments of the future or past I have little awareness of my thoughts and how they make me feel. I think about how I'm going to feel or how I felt. When the only thing that matters is how I feel right in the present moment. And everything after that is manifestations of thoughts. My thoughts make the future just like yours. Growth is dependant on us being here right now.
I can imagine it can come across that I think I have all the answers sometimes. I really don't. And I know I don't. And a lot of people sometimes see me as this hippy, head in the clouds bitch type. But I'm the complete and utter opposite. I believe in science and the concept of evolution to a degree. I've had to spend a long time looking at my own ideas of success and failures to really expand my own mind. I have accepted I will never have the answers. But the hope we can collectively be better gets me through the hard days.
The day I began to withdraw from the restrictions that hinder my growth changed who I always thought I was. I'm learning that what we feel is never to be judged or critised by ourselves or others. Only the actions we take after the thought are important. If we choose to act on the thought we are in someways manifesting it into reality. I'm in no way suggesting we should surpress our feelings, rather we need to focus on unlearning that urge to quickly take a side. That must be "good or bad". Because it's opinion that creates action. And a lot of our opinions are 'learnt'.
"Instead of just learning something new everyday, we should unlearn something too"
I just want to reiterate that I am just on the journey like everyone else. I have ups and downs that make my life feel like a constant battle with itself. Daily life for me can often be a struggle between what is "right and wrong" and I've found that the more free to grow you become, the more hard life is to grab hold of and the less you actually no about growth at all. This 'motion' of life has taken its toll on my physical and spiritual body. Mostly because I have resisted the idea of letting go of who I was. And no matter how hard I've tried to hide from the fact I'm loosing my old self, it only gets stronger. My awareness of my own cabablity to grow scares me at least once a day.
It frustrates me.. a lot. That I can't directly change certain things that I feel are out of my control. Through my own eating disorder and controlling behaviours I learnt that the feeling of being out of control is usually the source of my problem. And that's one thing I'm trying to unlearn. I never was in control to begin with. I am totally free. I'm wild and it's being off the path of expectation that makes me feel 'out of control'. When times get hard, I like to remind myself that, I didn't choose to live. Life choose me. And with that choice, it's my responsibility to manifest my life in a way that can be shared with others.
Only a few years ago I lived my life within the walls of ignorance. Ignorance doesn't mean anything to people who are in it. There simply living in a unconscious state of it. Truth offers ignorance a hand while forgiveness heals it. You can't judge those who are ignorant because ignorance is something we've been taught. Racism, manipulative religions, capatialism and dictatorships are all forms of ignorance. Ignorance can't be conquered, it has to be forgiven. We must forgive those who do not know better than to hate.
I feel the pull of negativity engergies, the thoughts I choose to manifest that create pressure and critism within myself and my personal world. Trying to replace them with "good" thoughts doesn't work. I have to accept that every thought is coming and going whether I like it or not. And I'm not always in a position to decide whether things are good or bad. And I've almost put pressure on myself within my own growth to be here, or there or being doing this. When that's not possible. We have to allow the wild within us to grow and flourish without the need to control it.
I question if I can really change the world in the way I want too. And that's quite a hard thing to constantly believe when the world feels broken even though you want more than anything for it to feel whole. But that feeling of whole isn't complete within myself so there's no way the planet should be there yet either. I've got a long way to go on my journey. Im blessed to have what I do and I feel thankful everyday.
Theres a soul inside me, a living energy that grows constantly. And the more I accept my mind is free from my body but completely connected the easier it gets to start growing something that's the only thing we take with us.
I feel sad when I meet people and theyve come to believe there choices are insignificant, and will not have any direct effect. That they don't have something to directly give to the world. I used to think someone else was going to come along and change the world. We get so angry and disgusted with our governments and "leaders" but we allow them to infect our choices. We give these people a platform to spread negativity and encourage seperation. It's never going to change until we become a species that don't need to be 'governed'. We don't need borders, religions or directing. The one thing we need is peace. And when that's nurtured within, it will reflect on the outside. The wars within each of us have to be won and I truely advocate witnessing our thoughts to begin that task.
I've felt this need to shift the responsibility onto others through my own life. It's like when you look around for the adult in the group and realise "Shit, I am the adult". One thing I've realised is we aren't ever not evolving, it's our awareness of it that's taking the time. Once we get to that point where we are driving our own evolution the powers who keep us dumb and senseless have no power and power is the purpose of life for them.
The next stage of our growth requires us to take a collective responsibility for our own mistakes and stop blaming everyone else besides ourselves. We can forgive the past but we have to at some point say. We've not got it right yet; and to truely change we have to first choose to look at the darkness that's riddled our existence since day one. Our primative and reptiallian survival mechanisms are outdated and unneeded. It's our choices as a collective that impact the world.
When I realised Life was a gift not a choice, it didn't happen over night. It was quite an uncomfortable and emotional experience for me. It still is. It was difficult to realise my entire life was pretty much a camoflague. I went through the denial stage. Where I tried to think of every other possible reason why I felt so 'irrational' and cut open. But after time and lots of support I got this point where I truely believe in myself and everyone around me who I feel that light in too. And trust me, I'm not always the very best version of myself. I allow myself to live within my ego that can promote hate and lack of empathy out of fear. For me it's been about realising I have the power to simply feel and not act. In the moment I'm aloud to feel everything but the future depends entirely on whether I'm simply feeling or acting.
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was that when I felt these types of negative energies it was just a reflection of exactly what I hated about myself. I am and can be hateful and cruel. So when I see selfishness, my reaction to it is a reflection of my own selfishness. So maybe it's me who needs to work on my own ability to expand my own knowledge of "self". It's not for me to actively change that other person. It's my reaction to there action that changes them.
We have to stop suppressing feelings that are uncomfortable. I've always questioned why we do that? Try to hide the fact we are in fact broken in places and quite fragile as human beings. I've never understood my own desire to pretend I'm ok. When I'm not. Generally I feel it's because we have again been taught to fit into unrealistic ideals.
Growth is something that takes a life time. We were born to die but the duration of our lives is unmeasurable, uncontrollable by anyone else, full of endless possibilities and totally unique to each person. The adversity we struggle with is what will create the change the world needs. The world needs a revolution. And it's a unique and un tested revolution. We need a revolution of the mind.
We have to take individual ownership of our choices and see that every time we act through our senses it will in some way manifest into the present moment. We have and always will be free to witness our thoughts. And this is the key to our freedom as a collective species. We are always growing despite the struggle and that's what makes life a truely beautiful place to be. It's only our ownership and awareness of that freedom that needs evolving.
Growth isn't a action or a task. It's a feeling. It's a construct of the mind. We are always designed to be stronger each time. Not just the body learns from its illnesses. So does the mind. It's a state of being unconditioned, following a path that is purposely presented to us as 'unachievable' . This path is growth. It always has been from the day we are born. We have always been cabable to be free but we act not to be. We have to simply witness the thought that we are not free to grow however we choose.
